My story is now

Looking back, I think I held my breath a lot.

We got off the plane with our 18? bags and my internal Angie started to turn blue.

My heart signed an invisible contract.

I’d figure things out. I’d get us settled. I’d navigate roads and grocery store aisles and a new-of-sorts language.

And then I’d breathe. And our story would begin.

I started driving. I figured out how to interpret the dairy section and the seemingly 8 different types of cream. And I started differentiating between a trolley and a cart and entree and a main and to ring and to call and learned that women here get clucky.

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But the buts inhibited full breaths from coming.

But Joshua’s speech. When he starts talking more…

But Lizzy’s perpetual illnesses. When we figure out what’s wrong…

But

But

But

Well, Joshua’s speech is miles (kilometers) better and growing steadily. Lizzy’s never been more well. They love kinder (preschool). Scott’s thriving at his role. I love my recruiting job. My heart has made good, deepening girlfriend connections.

More recently than I want to admit, I processed with a friend (read: free counseling) and heard myself say how I felt like our story was finally starting.

And like a wave of sound that rips through a crowd, felt in every chest, God spoke to my heart.

Your story doesn’t start now when things are well and you feel more in control. Your story has been going on for years. Your life is your story. And I’m behind each act of every scene. 

Life is now.

I have to laugh that God’s given me a daughter with an oft-daily passion to decorate for/celebrate something or someone almost daily.

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So I am renewed to live fully in the now. It’s where God’s put me. Adventures behind and adventures to come. Days when everything seems to be blooming. Days when I’ve chosen tasks over people and I’m exposed in my lack of loving well.

Days when we just have a picnic on the bathroom rug.

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Joshua and Mrs. Lynn, his new speech therapist.

On the off chance I’m not alone in this holding-your-breath-until-_____ happens, can I encourage me/you to breathe today?

Our story is amidst the good, the hard, victories, failures and the not-yets. And my story (and yours) has such great hope because of Jesus. My story is too big for it to be about just me. And that is very good news to be part of The Big Story.

That’s what I was made for.

 

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19 thoughts on “My story is now

  1. Linda Kreimeyer April 21, 2016 / 9:32 pm

    Well written, Angie. As a teacher, I was always planning my life, but life is in the moment. We (I) must always remember people are more important than things (accomplishments.)

  2. Don Townsend April 21, 2016 / 10:14 pm

    You are such an incredible writer! I am blessed each time you share your heart with us and I can clearly hear the Holy Spirit speaking through you. May God bless you and your precious family!

    In Christ, Don

    On Thu, Apr 21, 2016 at 1:06 AM, ScottandAngie.org wrote:

    > angiebentley posted: “Looking back, I think I held my breath a lot. We got > off the plane with our 18? bags and my internal Angie started to turn blue. > My heart signed invisible paperwork. I’d figure things out. I’d get us > settled. I’d navigate roads and grocery store aisles” >

    • angiebentley April 22, 2016 / 7:59 pm

      Thank you so much, Don. You’re such a prayer warrior and encouragement for our family!

  3. Judy Nelson April 21, 2016 / 10:58 pm

    This is my FAVORITE!

    Judy Nelson Lewis 407-234-3725

    From: “ScottandAngie.org” Reply-To: “ScottandAngie.org” Date: Thursday, April 21, 2016 at 1:06 AM To: Judy Nelson Subject: [New post] My story is now

    WordPress.com angiebentley posted: “Looking back, I think I held my breath a lot. We got off the plane with our 18? bags and my internal Angie started to turn blue. My heart signed invisible paperwork. I’d figure things out. I’d get us settled. I’d navigate roads and grocery store aisles”

    • angiebentley April 22, 2016 / 8:00 pm

      Those words are weighty and life-giving coming from you, my dear friend!

  4. tkchapters April 22, 2016 / 6:40 am

    May I share this as part of a morning devotion at work!? Love you! Tonya

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  5. melbabentley1 April 22, 2016 / 12:07 pm

    Angie, I have been “holding my breath” the past few months & I began to realize I need to breath & find the everyday joy God provides!! Need to let go & turn it over to God!!

    : ) : ) Easier said than done, but God & I will get there!!!! : ) : ) Interesting how we go through these “seasons” but God always pulls us through to the joyful side!!!! : ) : ) : ) : )

    Thanks for the insight & reminder, Angie!!!! : ) : )

  6. melbabentley1 April 22, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    Angie,

    Thank you for writing this!! This could have been written by me the past few months!! I need to breathe and see the joy God has given me (all of us)!!!! And as he always does, God is pulling/will pull me through this little “season”!! Time to play and have fun!! So excited for ALL OF US—BRINGS, CONNOLLY’S & BENTLEY’S TO CELEBRATE!!!! : ) : )

    Love,

    Melba : ) : )

  7. Amanda D. April 22, 2016 / 12:23 pm

    Thank you for these insightful words, Angie! It has been inspirong to hear your family’s story as you follow God’s plan and deal with the “life” that comes along with that. Why do we think it will always be easy? It’s just our human nature to want the path of least resistance or expect smooth sailing when we feel we are following God’s plan.
    I think you described a feeling I have experienced often, but didn’t have words to really describe it. As I start this new venture in life of staying home with my kids full time, I really want to breathe (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and just follow God’s plan for me and our family. Thanks again!!

    • angiebentley April 22, 2016 / 8:02 pm

      What a new venture, indeed! Cheering for you and delighted to think of you today, Amanda!

  8. Ellen Cox April 23, 2016 / 11:38 am

    Blessings on your week Dear Bentley’s! In Him, Terry and Ellen

  9. MaryJo Felsted April 24, 2016 / 3:47 am

    Angie – I read this a couple days ago, and it resonates with me a lot. Recently, we’ve travelled to hear my daughter’s clarinet master’s recital and spent a day in Indiana apartment shopping, where she will work on her Dr of Musical Arts. That alone has been a whirlwind. I have been spending the last year having surgery, doing radiation, my mom passing away – which means memorial service, grief counseling, and getting together with family. Then there’s getting my last one through highschool, helping him walk through a dark time, wondering what empty nest looks like, etc. When will normal start? This has been my question for several months. God is good and has been meeting needs, but I have been feeling like I’m waiting for something to start again. Your words are timely and speak directly to me. Thanks.

    • angiebentley April 27, 2016 / 10:35 pm

      That’s a lot, MaryJo. Wow. I knew you’d had surgery, but had missed all the latter. Thank you for writing amidst your “when will normal start?” question.

  10. Jim Naramore April 27, 2016 / 12:21 pm

    Always appreciate your enthusiasm and optimism–and the last paragraph which focuses upon from whence it comes! Jim Naramore

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